What's In My Head

Friday 26 March 2010

Text Production #1

Global warming is a world-wide issue that affects all of us in many aspects. Concern has been growing rapidly over the past few decades among nature-lovers and scientist alike. Many parties have put in great amount of money and effort in search of the truth behind this travesty and the results suggest a depressing tale. There a saying that goes, "In the absence of light, darkness prevails". Therefore, by not taking any drastic and swift actions to correct this problem, global warming will grow exponentially until it reaches a certain point where it is beyond human’s control. When the world gets hotter, a series of events will follow after – each with its’ own negative effects.

One of those events is the rising of the sea level and that ultimately, will drastically decrease our limited supply of habitable land. According to Al Gore in his “The Inconvenient Truth”, he talks on the odds of two major ice sheets in West Antarctica and Greenland to collapse, in which either both will increase the global sea level by around 6 metres. The number might look small but that slight change in sea level will sink numerous low-altitude areas, especially those near costal area. The worrisome part about this is that one tenth of the people on earth live in areas less than 10 meters above sea level (Holli Riebeek, 2007). If that really were to happen, millions of people’s lives will be lost and render many more homeless – perhaps even without a nation.

Other than that, global warming also causes a disturbance in the equilibrium of nature’s ecosystem. Millions of organisms, be it animals or plants, are forced to adapt themselves to the changes global warming has made on the seasons (Al Gore, 2007). If these organisms fail to catch up with the changes, they will face a brutal possibility of being extinct. Diseases which used to brought death and despair to people back in the olden days now resurface and continues doing what it has been doing for a long time – kill people. Plus, new diseases such as SARS, Arena virus and Lyme disease are also an effect global warming brings. (Al Gore, 2007). In addition, mosquitoes are now appearing at a higher altitude as compared to decades ago. This animal lives in a habitat where it is warm enough for them to find food and reproduce. As the world gets slightly hotter, the places where mosquitoes are able to live get wider and higher.

Corrective measures should be taken into action with no delay in order to prevent global warming from worsening and alleviate the current situation. Contrary to what public thinks, most people already have sufficient know-how in order to combat excessive carbon emission. The solutions are in our hands (Al Gore, 2007). We could use energy-saving light bulbs, get an economical car with better mileage, use public transportation, turn off the lights when they are not being used and many more. At an international level, many countries have already joined Kyoto Protocol with the intention of saving the earth by reducing a percentage of carbon dioxide emission.

In short, global warming is an issue that brings us to a time where we must reconsider the actions we have on this earth – the path we took to better our lives with the cost of global warming. Earth is a place where all of us share the luxury and the comfort of having a place to live and we share this planet with the animals and the plants. They deserve to sustain life in here as much as we do. So, let us all, hand-in-hand, tackle this problem and ascertain a better future for the next generation. As said by Winston Churchill, “The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays is coming to its close in its place we are entering a period of consequences.”

5 Comments:

Blogger Karee said...

1.your thesis statement ain't clear!Didnt talk bout the correcting the problem.

2. i love how u insert the Winston quote, as the last sentence. Brilliant litte move! Why didn't I think of that.

3. metres should be change to meters!
In short, your essay is simple and nice.

29 March 2010 at 18:34  
Blogger eng keong said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

29 March 2010 at 19:56  
Blogger eng keong said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

29 March 2010 at 19:56  
Blogger eng keong said...

1. Is there a clear introductory sentence that introduces the subject matter and the controlling idea? What do you suggest for improvement if the introductory sentence is not clear?
Yes. The introductory sentence is pretty straight forward and clear. But I would like to suggest that you may include the definition for global warming for a better picture of the whole issue.

2. Is there a thesis statement given as the last sentence of the introductory paragraph? Is it clear and connected to all the topic sentences of the body paragraphs?
Yes. The thesis statement does include the negative effects of global warming. However, the prompt actions to overcome global warming are not mentioned and you may want to improve on it.

3. Do the paragraphs have sufficient supporting details and examples? How can the organization be improved?
Well, the examples are sufficient and well elaborated. You may consider including some of the statistics to support the essay better. For example, for the rising of sea level, you may insert the current sea level of the globe and also the rising rate.


4. Are there any paragraphs which are not supported well?
In my opinion, each of the paragraphs is supported well by using sufficient details.

5. Are there any sentences or sections that are not clear? If so, how can they be improved?
In my opinion, for the animals that face extinction, you may provide some examples to make it clearer.

6. Does the conclusion summarize all the main points given in the essay or restate the thesis statement? Is it clear? If not, how can the writer improve this part?
Yes, it is very clear. The conclusion is well written by using very clear statements and a very suitable quote is applied.

7. Does the writer cite the sources adequately and appropriately? Note any incorrect citation.
Yes. All the citation parts are done adequately by the writer.


8. Are there any apparent grammatical or spelling mistakes?
1st
There a saying that goes >there is a saying that goes
2nd
Meters > metres
3rd paragraph
Diseases which used to (brought)>bring

9. Does the writer comprehensively cover appropriate materials available from the standard sources? If no, what is missing?
Yes, all the appropriate materials are included and the way of writing is clear.

10. Additional comments:
The essay is well written. Nice work! But the essay maybe a bit too long? Do you mind recounting the words?

29 March 2010 at 20:00  
Blogger Um - Air said...

Thanks people, points noted~

30 March 2010 at 06:05  

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